Month
by Month
One breath. I glanced
around slowly; knowing there was something wrong. He
looked at me. One moment I’ll
never forget. We stared into each other’s
eyes. It ended. I felt it
collapse. To the right I looked, my mother
crying as if there was no end to her
pain. A heartbeat; my family, my life,
world’s
over. His mouth opened, words flew out. I didn’t listen. I
couldn’t listen, I already knew.
It was just one of those things you have
already heard about but don’t think
will ever happen. Tears hit the
floor but not mine I was in shock. It
wasn’t meant to happen. Not to me,
not to my family. We weren’t bad. What
had I done? What had he done?
He was in pain, constantly in pain. I wish
I could help but I knew I couldn’t.
One day, soon, it will end. All of it,
his pain but mine will have only just
begun. I can’t do it. A never-ending
struggle, a life without him?
I don’t believe it. I feel I want my life to
end so I can’t feel his pain anymore.
But wait. There’s always a glimmer
of hope. Life isn’t that cruel. Month
by month we get a scan. Good?
Bad? Better? Worse?
Well I don’t always
listen. I shut it all out, wishing
and wishing for it all to end. It isn’t
worth the minute of sheer torture finding
out. Oh great, no luck, it’s bad.
He’s worse. Like
the shining light above his head has gone out, ping.
Pitch black.
I can’t breathe let me out. Make
it stop, over: A flicker, a flash, a beam
of light. Another month, the bulbs
back on. My dad has cancer but is
surviving so far. How long until
the bulb goes completely out? A month?
Heather Eadie, Aged 13 years